Kanye West wants you to know that he didn’t let his exes “play with his ass.” In fact, he claims “I stay away from that area all together.”
Exes can be mad but just know I never let them play with my ass I dont do that I stay away from that area all together
— KANYE WEST (@kanyewest) January 29, 2016
That breaks my heart — and not just because I’m a queer man and many queer men have loved putting penises, tongues, fingers and other assorted objects into our asses for thousands of years. It breaks my heart because everyone should try ass play at least once.
Why? Well… first and foremost, because it feels good. Half of all of the nerve endings in the entire pelvic region are located in the anus and that makes it a major pleasure powerhouse. If you happen to have a prostate, there could be even more good times headed your way. Even if you don’t, anal play can still be an incredibly thrilling and satisfying part of sex or masturbation (just ask any of my cis female friends who love anal sex — and not because their partners guilt them into it).
But beyond all of the mind-melting orgasms you could be having or giving whenever you want them or want to give them, the sooner we all start putting things in or near our butts (and admit that we put things in or near our butts), the sooner we’ll help rid this planet of one of the most odious stereotypes out there: if you’re a straight man and you like having your ass played with, it must mean you’re gay.
We should all be calling bullshit on this ridiculous line of thinking for two reasons: firstly, it’s just not true. No one is gay or becomes gay because they try or like a sex act. Our sexuality is defined by who we are (or in some cases aren’t) attracted to, not what we do or how we do it. Secondly, even if it were true, what’s the problem? The fact that anal play is connected with homosexuality and therefore means that any straight man who would engage in it is somehow less masculine or less of a man for doing so illustrates exactly how our culture still feels about gay men — and by extension, about women.
It’s also exactly what Amber Rose was implying in her tweet that set off this anal hysteria:
— Amber Rose (@DaRealAmberRose) January 27, 2016
For someone who wants to be seen as a trailblazer in the fight against sex negativity and slut shaming, she’s seems to have absolutely zero comprehension of how a tweet like hers achieves exactly the opposite of what she supposedly stands for. And that’s sad.
Even sadder is the response her tweet inspired across the Internet and Kanye’s panicked reaction. I have no idea if Kanye has ever tried anal play but just imagine how radical, groundbreaking and potentially influential it would have been if his reply to all of this nonsense had been, “You’re right. I love getting my ass played with and there’s really nothing to be ashamed about here.”
But it wasn’t. Instead, it makes me think he likes ass play anyway and is just too embarrassed to admit it. But even if Kanye can’t win in this situation, we still can. I humbly suggest each of us spend a little time with our asses — or someone else’s ass — this weekend. Get to know it a little better. Show it some love. Tell it you don’t hate it. Tell yourself it doesn’t make you any less of a man or any dirtier of a woman or any more fucked up as a person if you do it. And then enjoy some of the best orgasms of your life and tweet at Kanye and Amber Rose about it.
For more about anal play, check out the HuffPost Love+Sex Podcast on all things anal here.